Don't miss this one

"Sometime we regret, more than any words spoken, a silence not broken."~Robert Brault

I know I've mentioned Robert Brault before -- but he has just let me know that there is now a book available that's full of his smart, funny, touching (you add your own adjective here -- pretty much anything will fit, as he is a word genius) thoughts.  I have already ordered mine, and you'd be smart if you did the same.  He knows how to address any topic, in the best and most graceful yet (sometimes) piercing way.  He really makes you think, and he is compassionate and wise as well.

Check it out here:  Robert Brault's book -- I promise you will love it.

It's been how long?!

I don't know what made me think about this blog today, but I was astonished to discover how long it had been since I posted anything.  I suspect with the advent of Facebook, texting, and Twitter etc., the blog method of communication has taken a back seat.  But as I flipped back through my pages, I realized I missed putting my thoughts on (figurative) paper.

So today -- I decided to make note of what has been on my mind.  I've been running again and getting better (stronger and faster and with more endurance) all the time, and I love that.  Especially since I am getting older all the time, too.  I am not as fast as I used to be, I don't go as far as I used to go - but I can still go.  And I want to keep on doing until I absolutely can't.  Wasn't it Sister Hinckley who made a comment about not wanting to die of boredom on the shelf, but rather be used up in her old(er) age?  That's how I feel.

And I have been happily proving right the quote I read about how the task itself really hasn't changed -- but my ability to achieve and master the task have changed as I just keep doing it and don't give up.

The weather here is lovely, I am happy, and I am grateful.  I hope you can say the same, because that's what I wish for all.

Tragedy

I can't take in this recent school tragedy. As a teacher, a parent, a grandparent and a human being, I am heartsick at the senseless loss of beautiful children and teachers. 

These beautiful words come straight from the blog of one of my favorite writers, Robert Brault.  He always knows what to say and how to say it and his words (while they make me cry -- again) have given me some comfort and eased the aching that I feel in my heart as I contemplate this horrific event.

A Mother's Reverie
Child lost, do you suppose
That we could ever be apart,
That though you’ve left my yearning bosom,
You could ever leave my heart?

Do you suppose that though the years
Bring what they may of joy and strife,
I’ll e'er forget that once there stirred
Within me your sweet precious life?

Do you suppose that there will come
A morning when I’ll not arise
To live again that day when last
You turned to me your trusting eyes?

Child dear, I know you dwell
Within the Lord’s protective might,
But do you know how brave you were
And how I long to hold you tight?

____________________________________________________

"If there is consolation, it must come from knowing that others have suffered the cruel loss of a child and have recovered to find purpose in their lives.  We exist in a cycle of relentless restoration and renewal, a cycle in which the spring returns and that which seemed forever gone is reborn.  Those who go before us lead the way, and who knows what divine purpose resides in a child taken from us prematurely."

"Child lost, sometimes in dreams

I wander in an endless night,

When, lo, a tiny hand takes mine

And leads me to the morning light."

~~ Robert Brault

There are no words for the feelings I have but as always, Robert Brault has the words I need.  I thank him for that.

In His Hands

‎"The road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. But...it is not the trying that is ever going to bring us home. All this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, 'You must do this. I can't.'
-CS Lewis


I found this on Facebook today and immediately had to steal it because it spoke so clearly to me.  I have always loved C.S. Lewis - he has a way of saying things that I can easily relate to.  I think for me the idea of relinquishing control {I am definitely a control freak!} is what is difficult, and to be able to admit that I can't do something on my own is tough.  


But if I have learned anything at all, it's that there are surely things that I can't do on my own and to put them in His hands is the only answer.  

How blessed we are to be able to do just that - give it to Him and move forward.  He loves us more than we can understand and is waiting for us to come to Him for the help we need.

School's Out!! (almost!)

"The most beautiful sight in the world is a little child going confidently down the road after you have shown him the way."~Confucious

It's nearly the end of another school year and while I'm not a mom with kids in the schools anymore, I have 4 school-age kiddoes in my life that I love dearly and it's pleasure to see how well they have all done this year.  Daniel and Maya are finishing 2nd grade and Ben and Mason are finishing up Kindergarten.  I can't quite comprehend how this has happened.  Add to that Simon and Lucy who are 3 1/2 and 2 respectively and it makes me wonder where the time has gone.


There have been piano lessons, tai-kwon-do, volleyball, swimming (both lessons and swim team), gymnastics, tumbling -- you name it, it's been done by one of the kiddoes this year.  And they have all grown and stretched themselves in lots of ways.   All 4 of them are fantastic readers, which is a great foundation for them to continue building their education upon.

I hope it goes without saying that we are incredibly proud of these precious grandkids of ours -- we love them dearly and are so excited to watch them learn and grown.  But we are also extremely proud of their parents:  Chris & Tara and Chris & Natalie are wonderful, loving, involved, patient and creative parents.  I truly couldn't ask for our beloved grandkiddoes to be in better hands than the ones they have been blessed with.

So fun to see them moving on into their lives -- confidently and well prepared.

Time is Flying!

It's already May 10 (seriously -- where has the time gone?) so it's time for a little updating, I guess.

The finger:  I am now down to less than 2 weeks in the splint and bandaging -- it seems like it has been forever but it also seems like it has happened quickly.  I will be so glad to have my finger back.  Maya asked me the other day what the Dr. would do - - I'm guessing he will take the splint and tape off and blow a kiss at me as I run out the door.  At least that's what I hope he will do!  I'm hoping for the best.

There's been a picture of Natalie and I that has almost taken on a life of its own.  (see above) My friend Macy took the picture a few months ago and it has ended up in the Deseret Book Spring Catalog and in their Time Out for Women online ads as well.  We have had so many friends all across the country contact us when they have seen it and that has been fun.  I just love having such a fun picture of Natalie and I.

In other news, I ran a 5K this past weekend.  I was pretty nervous about it because in the past 2 weeks my running has been awful.  I had no stamina, my breathing was hard and really, I had no interest in even trying to hang in there.  It was lame.  So I was very afraid of how this 5k would turn out.

I was happy to discover that I am still a runner, and really, not such a bad one either.  I ended up finishing in 30:23 -- which was good, and made it a 9:39 pace.  And I ended up 7th in my age group (which, admittedly, is old) -- but there were about 25 people in that group.  And I loved it.  So much fun.

And the best part was that I ran it with family.  Chris, Natalie and Maya all ran the 5K too.  Chris smoked us all - he was amazingly fast (23 min, approx, I think), Natalie beat me by around 30 seconds and Maya did it in 35 minutes with no training.  Awesome all around.   Can't say I love the way I look in the picture but with hair pulled back at 8 a.m., I guess that's the best I could do!!

So my plan is to just continue to work at getting quicker and to keep loving it.  So that next year - -I can move myself up in my age group and beat a few more oldies like myself.

Happy Easter!

"Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people, and hallelujah is our song."~Pope John Paul II

We live in a world where so many people are dealing with hard things. There are health issues, employment issues, family issues -- the list just goes on and on. Sometimes my heart breaks for my friends and loved ones and sometimes it aches for myself. Life is not easy and it's so easy to get discouraged and even to feel despair.

As I contemplated these things, I was reminded of a wonderful Conference talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin, entitled "Sunday Will Come". It was given in 2006 but was so powerful for me that I have never forgotten it and go back and re-read it fairly often. He talks about the crucifixion of the Savior and how dark it was that day (physically and spiritually) -- but reminded us that that terrible day did not remain. And despite the fact that we may be in the midst of a terrible 'day' in our lives, that our Sunday (and the brightness and joy it brings) will surely come.

I used the above quote last year at this time as well and it too has stuck with me. I need to remember that despite the darkness we all find in our lives from time to time, that we need not despair, because Sunday will come. And it will come because of the priceless gift that our Savior Jesus Christ gave us at this Easter time: His atoning sacrifice and resurrection.

So indeed, we need not (and must not) abandon ourselves to despair because we are the Easter people!

Hallelujah!

picture by Del Parson

Jogging is Dangerous?

This past Saturday I was out jogging and caught my shoe in a sidewalk crack. I thought I had managed to keep my balance but ended up going down so I tried to aim myself towards the grass rather than the sidewalk. I ended up scraping up one knee (scrape + giant bruise), scraping the palm of my left hand, and even scraped my chin a bit. None of that is very serious but my right hand was holding my phone (always have my music going when I run) and I landed hard on that hand which was curled around the phone.

I picked myself up and trudged the rest of the way home (I was pretty much almost there, dang it!) and as I did I noticed that my fourth finger on the right hand was feeling like it had been jammed. And then I looked at it -- the tip of the finger (by the last knuckle) was just drooping, nearly dangling and I couldn't move it back up unless I used my other hand.

I iced it and waited but ended up calling an orthopedic doc on Monday because I need my hand! They had me in yesterday and the diagnosis is mallet finger, which is common among baseball players. The prognosis is OK -- but I have to wear a splint for 6-8 weeks, 24/7, sleeping, waking, showering, doing hair -- whatever. The finger has to remain straight or the 6-8 weeks starts over. Really? (big sigh here!)

There are no broken bones but the tendon has been completely pulled away from the bone and needs lots of time to heal. The dr. said that he wants to see me in 2 weeks and that there is a real possibility that there will be a need to put a pin in to help hold the finger in place. So -- maybe surgery.

I think it will all be OK, but I need my fingers -- so I would be grateful for your prayers.

**not my finger but it looks a lot like that

Catching Up

Really? My last past was 2 months ago? This is a graphic example of how quickly the time is going these days. There always seems to be something going on to keep me busy, for sure.

I was asked to give a talk in Stake Conference and that was pretty overwhelming. I'm glad it's done but I was also glad to have the chance to do it and address probably my favorite topic: "Teaching the gospel of Christ to children". Nothing better than that and I know (as always) that I learned much more as I studied, prayed and prepared than anyone who listened. Pure pleasure to address that topic, even if I was scared to death as well. That's what I call a mixed blessing!

I also had the chance to accompany my talented friend Macy as she did her presentation at a "Time out for Women" -- this time in Idaho Falls, Idaho. It was a quick trip for me but always fun to do my best to help her do her best and wonderful to hear the messages I heard. I also love seeing the women in the audience soaking up the spirit and the lessons and messages that are presented so well.

Spring Break came and went (way too fast, as always) and we are now back in the routine of school. You might think that wouldn't have much to do with me anymore, but it does. I get to help with readers in a first grade classroom once a week, and I also drive Maya and Mason to school in the mornings (there is no better way to start your day - super fun to be with them first thing), and I have a few piano students that coincide with the school routine as well.

Life is wonderful. The bluebonnets are in full bloom (see the pic in the post above - it really does look like that here right now!), the weather is mild, I have been running outside now for probably a month, and I'm planning to do a 5K in early May. As my Natalie pointed out, I might even 'win' something (what??? I'm slow!) -- because I'm old. Made me smile. So there is something good about being old.

Who knew?

He (or she) Who Sees

“Every common bush is afire with God ––but only he who sees takes off his shoes.”~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I read this recently and it has stuck with me. I'm sure you recognize the reference to the story of Moses and the burning bush: as Moses approached the bush, he removed his shoes because he knew he was standing on holy ground. I have always loved that because I really want to be not only the one who sees, but the one who figuratively takes off her shoes.

That's another goal for me this year: to be aware of God's marvelous hand in each of our lives, and going along with that, to treat that Hand with respect, reverence and gratitude.

Happy New Year!

"Count no day lost in which you waited your turn, took only your share and sought advantage over no one." ~Robert Brault I'm not a great resolution-maker, but I think I'm going to take the above quote and use it as my mantra for the new year. No one could have put it better: to wait my turn, to take only my share and seek advantage over no one describes perfectly the kind of person I want to be. So, we are excited for 2012! This past year wasn't our best year, I don't think: {some hard things, some expensive things, some unexplainable things etc. etc.} although there were definitely some happy things, some fun things and much love and joy as well. I am excited to see what 2012 brings. And if I turn Robert Brault's criteria for a productive day into my own goals for the year, it will be a good one for me growth-wise. Welcome, 2012!

It's Christmas!

"You can never truly enjoy Christmas until you can look up into the Father's face and tell him you have received His Christmas gift." ~John R. Rice

Here it is almost Christmas eve {already!} and I wanted to take a minute to reflect and be grateful, once again, for the most precious Christmas gift ever given. And it was given to each of us: to all of us!

Jesus was not only the baby born under miraculous circumstances, nor was He only a master teacher. He was an exemplar, a friend, a guide, and probably most important, He is the one who willingly carried the burden of our sins, our pains, our fears, our frustrations: He is the one who understands our every fear, our heartbreak, and every feeling that we have had or will have. And because He carried those burdens for us, our yokes are easy and our burdens are light.

I am so grateful for His miraculous birth that we celebrate at Christmas but more, I am grateful for His life, His death, and His atoning sacrifice which is His all-encompassing gift to each of us: the prospect of eternal life.

Let earth receive her king! Let each of us receive our king!

Merry Christmas!

beautiful picture by Liz Lemon Swindle

Happy Anniversary!

"Sometimes two people stay together for the sake of the kids -- two kids who sat under a full moon and pledged to be forever true." ~Robert Brault

I am a real fan of Robert Brault. He has a gift of words that I wish I had. Since I don't, I enjoy his gift and the above quote has been on my mind ever since I read it. I suspect it's because we (Mark and I) are nearly ready (on Dec. 21) to celebrate our (gulp!) 37th anniversary.

I was just telling our Natalie that back when we were dating (when we were those kids!), I wasn't particularly careful, cautious or prayerful about who I chose. I just got lucky and fell in love with the right man. And I was equally lucky that he fell in love with me, too.

We have had a huge variety of experiences together as we have zig-zagged back and forth across the country. Life has been full of learning together -- through all kinds of experiences, some wonderful and some not so great. I am so grateful for him in my life. He has been and continues to be the constant that I lean on in every circumstance. There are things we have been through together that I could not have handled without him.

Mark is smart, funny, spiritually in tune, a hard worker, devoted to his family, a great dad and a super wonderful Grandpa. (Who else would not only go along with regular phone calls to his office line during working hours so that a precious 3 year old can hear him say "Hi, Simey!" but be thrilled with the opportunity?!) He works so hard for us and would do anything for anyone who needed his help.

I am grateful that when we met, I was behaving well enough that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. And that now, knowing what he knows about me (37 years worth, and it's not all good!), I feel blessed that he's willing to go on - -as far as we can go -- together.

And I get to keep him. I am blessed, for sure.

Running Against the Wind

As I did my (nearly) 4 mile run (seriously felt more like I was trudging!) yesterday, I had a bit of an epiphany. It's fall here (on the calendar, anyhow - not necessarily temperature wise) and we have cooled down slightly. We also have had a bit of wind. Not much, mind you, and not anything that someone raised in Southern Alberta should even dare to call a wind -- but enough to notice when you're running against it.

So yesterday, as I did my 4 mile run (remember? the trudge!), I was acutely aware of the wind. But I only really noticed it when I was running against it. It pushed me back and I had to work extra hard to get myself up the Austin hills (we do live in the 'Hill Country' here). I can tell you that I resented that wind. It made me cranky and (obviously) it made my tired legs more tired and there was some serious gasping going on as well.

What I found interesting, though, is that when I was running with the wind at my back, it didn't feel like much of a wind. Just a little push in the right direction.

And that's when I had the epiphany. It's just like life. When we are running against the wind, and things are hard, we are totally aware of the opposition. We are frustrated by it, we are tired by it, and it makes us want to give up.

But when that wind is at our back, gently pushing us along our chosen path? We rarely notice it. And that's my point. I want to be aware of that wind at my back, gently moving me along the path of my life. I want to be aware and I want to be grateful.

I have so much to appreciate and to be grateful for, and this Thanksgiving month is a great time to reflect on that wind that is at my back so much of the time.

Feeling Grateful

I have had the privilege recently to be an accompanist for a "Time Out for Women" presenter. She has a great message to share and she tells her story both with words and with music. I have traveled with her to Nashville {which I loved because we still have sweet ties to that place}, to Pocatello {which I loved because a wonderful former seminary student from Reno lives there now and I got to spend the 2 days with her}, and recently to Reno. We have loved and enjoyed all the places we've lived, but Reno has a special place in my heart because it's there that I taught not just 1 seminary class a day, but 2 -- and I was the Primary chorister as well, in a really wonderful, loving ward that took great care of me while I was seriously ill. So we have so many sweet memories of Reno, as well as some ties that will never be cut.

It was such a gift to be back there, and to catch up with so many people that I love. I think the sweetest thing has been to realize that while I remember and love many Reno friends - -the reality is that they remember and love me too. That's not something I consider very often. I have always felt that when we leave an area, we probably don't cross the minds of those we have left behind very often. I cherish all the friends we have made but haven't ever assumed that they remember me.

My Reno visit proved me wrong. I was humbled to find so many people there that still remember me (???) and love me and it touched my heart in a way that I will never forget.

What a sweet blessing to know that these people, who mean so much to me and who I will always remember and love -- remember me too. It was a lovely weekend.

**Me with a former seminary student and friend, Amber. She's not only beautiful, but wonderful too.

I Can Do It!

I am so proud of myself. I just finished week 9, day 1 of Couch to 5K - -and I flew today. Really felt like I had wings on my feet. The weather has cooled down slightly {by that I mean we are in the 90's instead of the 100's - but I do feel the difference!}and I am feeling like I could run and run and run.

I didn't do that because I am convinced that this couch to 5K program really works, so I am continuing to follow it exactly. But this week is my last one {the program ends - -and I will have finished it!} and I will be on my own after that. What I have learned over this nearly 9 weeks that I've been back running is that I can do it. And in conjunction with that, I have also realized that I can do anything I put my mind to do. Right now, that means I can run for 30 minutes without a break and that feels good.

My body might be old{er} but I am happy to announce that it will do whatever I ask it to do, as long as I take good care of it.

Great news, right?!!

I'm Still a Runner! (Who knew?)

Anyone who knows me at all knows a couple of things about me - -that I was an avid runner {think 6 - 7 miles a day, pretty much 6 days a week} for many years. Like probably 15 or so. Maybe more. I loved running. I started out walking and eventually, just to make things more interesting, would challenge myself to 'run to that tree' or 'run to the corner'. After that, I got competitive with myself and would see how much faster I could do my regular route than the day before. And I got hooked. I loved running.

Fast-forward to our move here in 2004: heredity + years of running = foot problems. I had a couple of surgeries and decided I could not keep running as my feet hurt 100% of the time. So I switched my allegiance to the elliptical machine which is great exercise, and is weight-bearing without impact. I learned {after quite some time} to love the elliptical too. I pretty much spend an hour a day 5x a week on our elliptical machine.

But recently, my Natalie decided she wanted to be a runner, so she got herself the Couch to 5K app for her phone and took off. It was hard for her at first, but she persisted - - and now {you can see it coming, right?} she is hooked on running and loves it. She's training for a half-marathon in December. I am so proud of her.

So then, she encouraged her dad to try that same program. Not to be left out, I got it on my phone, and we decided to do it together. Mostly, I was doing it to encourage Mark and to spend a little more time with him. We did great for the first 4 weeks, but at that point, Mark's knee pretty much gave out on him and he is seeing an orthopedic doc on Monday. So he's out.

But me? About that same time {4 weeks in} my body made it clear to me that it remembered that I am a runner. And I am. I am still a runner. I have now nearly completed week 5 and plan to continue and will do a 5K in October. Natalie is encouraging me to train for that same half-marathon in December.

Not sure if I will get there or not. But what I am sure of is that I have missed running and my body knows it. It makes me happy. And my feet? Well, they hurt all the time anyhow and it's no worse when I"m running.

So I am running again, and loving it.

It's my Birthday!

I guess that last post about aging leads right into this one - it's my birthday today!

I can't say that I'm 'happy' to be another year older but I do appreciate being another year smarter, despite the wrinkles that seem to accompany anything I do anymore. I have so much to appreciate and to be grateful for and it just seems to get better.

I have a wonderful family: parents, siblings, in-laws (I pretty much just count them all as siblings, I think!), husband, children, more in-laws (again, just family in my mind) and now grandchildren. The older I get the more I appreciate the great family I came from, the great family Mark came from, and the fact that we have been able to create a great family of our own. I love them all dearly.

I have so many dear friends. I kind of consider myself a bit of a hermit -- but over time, I have made so many wonderful friends -- again, people I pretty much consider family. Another thing that I have learned is that people are what really matter in life. Things are fine, but people are what make our lives fuller and richer in every way.

I'm grateful for pretty good health at this point. I've definitely had my share of ups and downs in the health area, but I am so thankful that right now, I can do whatever I choose to do, as long as I put my mind to it. I am running again and that makes me more happy than I would have thought. I'm so grateful to Natalie for encouraging both Mark and I to try it (for me, again -- for him, the first time) and that my body knew all along that I was a runner -- I've just been on hiatus!

So happy birthday to me! And I'm hoping for a zillion more!

Aging

"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a longer life." ~D.F.E. Auber

I found this quote on one of my calendar pages recently and while it made me laugh at first, it kind of struck a chord with me. My dad will be 88 on August 3 and my mom is 86 and they are not enjoying aging because of all the things that go along with it. They both use walkers now, Dad is in pretty much constant pain and has a hard time getting around. Mom is on oxygen 100% of the time and has a pacemaker along with other physical limitations. Neither of them is loving this season of their life, as it's frustrating to them to not be able to do everything they'd like to do.

I really hate seeing them be this restricted at this point. After all, they were (and are) wonderful parents, active, responsible members of the Church and always made a great contribution to whatever they were involved in (and it was a lot!). I wish for them that they could do more of the things they'd like to do.

But on the other hand, I suspect (just from my own personal experience in this area!) that what they are experiencing is exactly what comes of living a long, full life. And the alternative is not a great one.

It makes the reminders my mom gives us very real: "Make sure you do everything you want to do and see everything you want to see before you can't do it anymore." She is grateful that they did go and do a lot of things while they still could.

I intend to do that, and for now, I'm grateful that I have both of them still here on the earth with us.

*picture by Mary Engelbreit

Dinner

I'm consistently amazed at how much I hate fixing dinner. Really, though, the actual fixing isn't my biggest problem {although it definitely is a problem!} -- mostly it's deciding what to fix that is my biggest problem.

To be fair to Mark, it's not his responsibility to fix dinner {he does go to work all day, every day!} -- but this little cartoon is a great illustration of how we both seem at dinner time. Mostly we'd rather eat nothing than have to fix something {anything!}.

Lame. We are lame.